Elinor Glyn (via observando)
And I’ve never seen it so golden.
I know this when my phone is out of battery and I’m on a long train journey home alone, and there isn’t an idle moment because I’m reliving and chuckling at little moments we shared.
I know this when I look at the expanse of sky and think how happy I am that of all people, you want to hold my hand.
I know this when a long day seems easy to bear knowing I get to see you at the end.
You really are a marvel, more than you know.
I just read an article that said people experienced the most joy reading their journal entries about everyday happenings. The mundane, the normal.
Okay I’ll start writing about them.
An hour ago, we took the train home, and I rested my head on your shoulder, curling my arm in the snug crook of your own. You had been sick with the flu a few days now, and you’d barely eaten dinner. Coupled with the past few nights of staying up to work, this brief moment of respite was pure bliss.
You let your head lean on mine and as the train rumbled on, you fell deeply asleep, but never once letting my hand slip. I remember feeling safe and happy, knowing my love was finally getting some rest. It wasn’t long before I too drifted off.
This is our normal, making the most of our tired days. But every morning I see him in my playground, usually exhausted though always pleased to see me. And every night I get to stroll home with him as I gaze at the stars is a wonder in itself.
Dear God, you spoil me. Thank you.
While I was on an office retreat last week, a friend recommended I read the weepy Cancer Novel, “The Fault in Our Stars”. I… don’t actually know why it’s titled this way, but the story I get.
"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." Obviously the book got me thinking about death, or life, really. I remember writing about how we think we’re invincible when we’re the epitome of fragility. How large is my infinity? When will I go? If I were to go tomorrow, what would I do today, how would I feel? Who would miss me?
I often check myself, to give perspective. What impact have I made? What have I allowed Christ to do through me, in me? Have I loved enough? What did my time here do for anyone in the end?
We cannot live as though we are invincible. Increasingly I read about friends and family passing on ‘prematurely’. “She was the life of the party!”, “He was a gifted pianist.” Planes crash, disasters strike, bodies fail. Consider yourself; the position you’re in, the people around you and the eternity before you. What does that look like? What responsibilities are we given to fulfill that we have neglected? Or even, who would we want to appreciate before it’s too late?
Tell loved ones how you feel about them. An extra hug, a kind word, a helping hand will go a long way, maybe longer than you expect. So count your blessings, and be grateful.
Crouching down, looking at his guppy tank, finger outstretched:
"Onetwothreefourfiv-OnetwothreefourfivesixOnetwothreefourfivesi- STOP SWIMMING"
"Good, all still alive."
Give me a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A kiss to build a dream on
Have you ever gripped someone so tight, so long; hoping you could stash that feeling and be fueled by it once they’re gone?
Every morning as we part at my gates, I throw my arms around your waist and nuzzle my head into your chest, wondering how much more of you I can take in to last me through the day. One more squeeze please! Each evening when I see you and you kiss my nose, headiness takes over and I’m like an excited schoolgirl again.
I wonder, how long can you go without the embrace of a loved one? Today I thought about the concept of touch - doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic embrace or mom’s reassuring arm around your shoulders. How little can one subsist on before you start feeling unwanted, alone, even afraid to face the world? And can you store it up for a rainy day?
Tomorrow till Friday will be the longest I’ve gone without seeing you. I got an extra squeeze in tonight, and a bonus whirl in the air! That’ll do I think. You’ll do I think.
The two of us… we have our good days you know. Yesterday was one such day. Even our off days aren’t too bad. No one yells, no one accuses, no one has bad intentions.
Today was a good day overall. After I told you I was feeling insecure about how I looked, I just wish you’d say you think I’m pretty. Or even a “not bad” might do. But you couldn’t say anything and I don’t know why. Do you not think I’m pretty? Meh.
What was romance meant to be?
A lilting sonnet about the beauty, sung atop a tree? Being swept off your feet by the one and only Prince?
Maybe I bought into it. Or maybe I just. I just… I wonder why I’m not worth the effort.
I don’t need grand gestures. But I want you to reach out to touch me, to tell me I’m a sight for sore eyes. To kiss my head and say you missed me. To call me during the day to say how are you?
Instead of repair mode, where you text when I ask, where you call when you’re late, where you ask what’s wrong when I’m chillingly quiet.
I want more exuberance. More… to be wooed. To be sought after. I don’t even need iloveyous. I just want to know I’m good enough for you.
4pm and I finally sank into my chair after a mad afternoon where everything was an emergency. As I sat slurping soggy noodles from 4 hours ago and sipping from my paper cup of cold masala chai latte, I smiled.
Sure it was a late lunch, but it warmed me to remember how this morning you left the banh mi shop mumbling something about answering nature’s call, but returned minutes later with my favourite sweet cuppa - piping hot as I curled my fingers around it. I squealed excitedly, and you leaned forward on the table and beamed, knowing you brought a little spark to my day.
Fast forward to 4pm, as I swirl the dark specks of cinnamon at the bottom of the cup. I chuckled silently. Maybe happiness comes in shapes and forms you don’t expect.